PeterIsSorry.com

I’m sorry for accidentally making a rather loud remark about my anus at an inappropriate time in a public place.

I’m sorry for accidentally throwing up a little on the floor and then not being able to find it.

I’m sorry for bringing up erotic cannibalism during dinner.

I’m sorry for accidentally filling up a blister with peanut butter.

I’m sorry for claiming to have “acrosticked your ass” after making up a horrible acrostic poem about donkeys and dogs.

I’m sorry for staying up late trying to build a robot instead of working on an essay that I am several weeks behind on.

I’m sorry that I am considering making a book of my own quotations.

I’m sorry for throwing up in my mouth and then making up for the potential vomity breath by flossing REALLY hard.

I’m sorry that I make rude jokes out loud when no one is around (possibly to the television).

I’m sorry that people can tell where I’ve been by the weird trail of lint that I leave behind me.

I’m sorry that I fondle the spout of my water pitcher with my bare feet and then drink directly out of it.  I’m also sorry that I don’t ever wash my feet.

I’m sorry that people have started arriving at PeterIsSorry.com via the search term “eroti blog.”  I’m also sorry for how disappointed they must be when they realize that the only “erotic” content on PeterIsSorry.com is about a robot vacuum cleaner.

I’m sorry that I’ve started wearing a pair of black “Jungle Moccasins” as dress shoes.

I’m sorry that I would like to have a baby just so that I can “safe surrender” it to some firemen.

I’m sorry that I didn’t let Roomba eat for a few days because I was too lazy to clean off the floor.  I made up for it by leaving him little tasty treats (dried cranberries) all over the floor.

I’m sorry that I sometimes run into people on purpose to teach them a lesson for not looking where they are going.

I’m sorry that I’ve started throwing up in my mouth on a semi-regular basis.

I’m sorry that I can’t play video games when I’m home alone because I get too scared (of zombies).

I’m sorry that I’ve been using the same two pillows for four months without pillowcase, and they are FILTHY!

I’m sorry for trying to find a business that will deliver ice cream to my apartment in the middle of the night.