PeterIsSorry.com

I’m sorry that I didn’t think of this first.

I’m sorry that I keep accidentally stepping on, kicking and generally hitting your sprained ankle (because I keep forgetting that it’s sprained).

I’m sorry for greeting you with the somewhat politically incorrect phrase: “Hello, retard!”

I’m sorry for launching a big, heavy tire into the trunk while you had the car jacked up because you were trying to replace the tire that I myself may have punctured.

I’m sorry for trying to nickname you “13-Year Old Jimmy” due to a voice cracking situation.

I’m sorry that I just paid $8 for what was essentially an Egg McMuffin. Thank you SFO.

I’m sorry that Roomba got so mad that I made him vacuum all day long that he sat right in front of the door while I was out so that I couldn’t get back in.

I’m sorry that I’ve been out of toilet paper for over two weeks.

I’m sorry that I own a pair of soon-to-be-crotchless pants.

I’m sorry that I’m an incompetent toenail clipper and also that I make Roomba eat my toenails.  And I clogged up his innards with plastic wrap like one of those dead seagulls.

I’m sorry that I can’t always tell whether I need to breathe in or out.

I’m sorry for accidentally making a rather loud remark about my anus at an inappropriate time in a public place.

I’m sorry for accidentally throwing up a little on the floor and then not being able to find it.

I’m sorry for bringing up erotic cannibalism during dinner.

I’m sorry for accidentally filling up a blister with peanut butter.

I’m sorry for claiming to have “acrosticked your ass” after making up a horrible acrostic poem about donkeys and dogs.

I’m sorry for staying up late trying to build a robot instead of working on an essay that I am several weeks behind on.

I’m sorry that I am considering making a book of my own quotations.