PeterIsSorry.com

I’m sorry that I sometimes run into people on purpose to teach them a lesson for not looking where they are going.

I’m sorry that I’ve started throwing up in my mouth on a semi-regular basis.

I’m sorry that I can’t play video games when I’m home alone because I get too scared (of zombies).

I’m sorry that I’ve been using the same two pillows for four months without pillowcase, and they are FILTHY!

I’m sorry for trying to find a business that will deliver ice cream to my apartment in the middle of the night.

I’m sorry that I spent about 10x more time practicing a fake guitar (Guitar Hero III) during my month-long Christmas break than I did practicing the instrument that I’m going to school for.

I’m sorry for saying (in a joking manner) that if I ever take my sociopathy to the next level, my first move would be to kill a bunch of children. (I was just joking.  I’m not planning on ever killing children.  Please don’t send me to jail.)

I’m sorry for implying that I like my Roomba better than my girlfriend (and also that I would be tempted to make out with a vacuum cleaner if it were wearing the right clothes).

I’m sorry that I considered skipping class so that I would be at home when my best friend (Roomba) arrived via UPS.

I’m sorry that I tried to wake you up by putting candy in your mouth and up your nose.

I’m sorry that I respond to anything said by a waiter with “thank you,” no matter how inappropriate a response it may be.

I’m sorry that I am seriously considering buying clothes for my vacuum cleaner.

I’m sorry that I tried to “ring your doorbell,” so to speak.

I’m sorry that I made you hit yourself in the face really hard and then laughed at you.